Eventide Musings
by Wandering Daylight
Summary: "I wrestle with my doubts to realise a dream". Told from the perspective of Seifer Almasy. Implied pairing: Rinoa x Seifer. Set before the final SEED exam.


_Game Verse__: __**Final Fantasy VIII**_

[ Characters and location names belong to Square Enix. I own the idea of this story. ]

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_**Eventide Musings**_

Not every evening after the completion of my classes at Balamb Garden is the same. Yet I often find my thoughts shifting toward our conversations. We did try to understand each other and in our quiet moments, there was this feeling that the silence was never void. Have you ever thought of this as well?

The sky is clear and I reminisce about the nights when we gazed at the full moon; a golden brightness rising above the emerald fields of Winhill. Whenever we focused towards the same direction, we knew that our goals and aspirations were important. No matter the challenges or the difficult days we face, this world is worthy because we are part of it too. And I get to see you often. When I don't, the absence of your closeness never goes unnoticed.

I'm aware of the subtler distance between us; this fine line between right and wrong or the realisation of choices and boundaries. These notions define my behaviour, but do they dictate the way I feel? Depending on the circumstances, an impulse can be as strong and reliable as the heart.

There are times when I catch myself wondering if my actions, even the smallest gesture or an unconscious change in the tone or volume of my voice, ever reflect something that was left unspoken on my behalf. Anything important. I know your perception and finest instincts. You often discern what seems to escape others. You aren't truly naive or inconsiderate, regardless of your quickness to act or your bold nature.

When it rains heavily and I'm staying indoors, I read the older pages of my journal. The one I started after we began to see each other more frequently. I feel as if I'm looking for something; can't tell exactly what it is. Both of us were faced with personal questions; you showed me it's okay if we don't come to an immediate answer. So, I learnt to be comfortable with some of these questions— yours and mine.

Still, I'm inclined to search within me and along these pages. It doesn't feel hard or unpleasant. It's natural, I presume, because when people bond, there is often something new to discover; a knowledge that exceeds our individual reasoning and rhythm. And if you ever questioned why I felt so worried over matters that were relatable to both of us, it's because I cared. Needed to be sure that nothing bad would happen to you. Especially during the times we were far from one another, occupied by our respective plans.

I turned my back on conformity a long time ago, but never lost touch with reality. Our different background signifies the differences in our life. I never forget them, no matter how close we feel. One could say that rules keep us safe; sometimes, even from our deepest emotions, that is if we assume they threaten some sort of equilibrium.

Yet, if I'm called to be perfectly honest, there is a part of my heart that rebels, seeking a passage towards truth. It's like an inner tension, whose strength or influences cannot be overlooked. I never shy from facing my emotions; but then, I remind myself of what I already know. The restrictions in our life, my beloved. The ones we are called to surpass.

I wrestle with my doubts to realise a dream. Each time we are together, it feels right and all my fears disperse. Whenever I hold you in my arms, can't think of any obstacle or rule that could stop me from letting us achieve all our aspirations.

Even so...how come I still haven't told you that I love you? Until I take more steps closer to the dream I've shared with you, an unfathomable hesitation will keep the heartfelt words confined in silence. But one day, I want to let you know...

Against all incertitude, the future will come to us eventually. The threads of life which kept us together throughout summer, have left their traces upon us. So, we'll have to keep fighting for anything meaningful that's woven to our broken present. No matter the path we choose or despite any hardships, we will seize what can fulfil us and make each day worthwhile.

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_Author's note_: Thank you for reading. This is one of my favourite pairings in Final Fantasy verse and I know that it's quite rare. I'm also happy with the remake of FFVIII because it's truly a masterpiece.


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